Liberals To Delay All Policy Decisions Pending OK From Oprah

OTTAWA — The governing Liberal Party of Canada, has decided to await the approval of famed talk-show host Oprah Winfrey before announcing any new policy, Newsquips has learned. This news comes on the heels of Prime...

Trudeau Reveals He Is Actually A Woman

OTTAWA — Newsquips has learned that the self-described "feminist" Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau, is in fact a woman, putting to rest some considerable suspicion among the population. As a Liberal Party spokeswoman described...

Trudeau to retract “heart hands” previously issued to Saudi Prince

OTTAWA — In the wake of the American CIA confirmations of evidence surrounding allegations the historically murderous Saudi royal family murdered an only slightly less questionable former Saudi resident Jamal Ahmad Khashoggi, Prime Minister Justin...

Asked for Remembrance Day Comment, Trudeau Says He Will Apologize for Carbon

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will apologize to veterans on Remembrance Day for forcing them, "especially tank drivers," he said, "to spew all manner of poisonous carbon into the atmosphere during the wars or...

Media Seeks Public’s Help Finding More Huge Close-Ups of Justin Trudeau

CALGARY – Citing the fact that they have now used every photo they have of Justin Trudeau at least 7,800 times, Canada's national "news" media have sent out an urgent request to all Canadians asking...

Recent Stories

Toronto Stock Exchange to Change Name to BONG EXCHANGE

TORONTO – The group which operates the Toronto Stock Exchange, or TMX, has agreed in principle to change the name of the exchange to better...

CBC To Start New All-Pot Channel & Website

OTTAWA – Officials at the state-owned CBC have revealed to Newsquips that progress is already well under way on creating a new TV channel and...

Federal Deficits to Grow By 26.4 Blashmillion Dollars

OTTAWA, ONTARIO—According to reports from the Globe and Mail, the Trudeau Liberals expect Canadians to embrace budget deficits growing by even more than they...

Less Recent Stories

Washington Post Under Fire For “Christ-y” Photo of Marathon Winner

WASHINGTON, DC—The venerable Washington Post newspaper is under fire from atheists and agnostics as well as several congressional Democrats for posting a giant "Christ-y"...

Trudeau Adopts New ‘Nasty Oil Dude’ Look in Wake of BC’s Pipeline Intransigence

CALGARY, ALBERTA—Aides close to Prime Minister Trudeau have revealed to Newsquips that the prime minister will adopt a new "gun-totin' oil cowboy" look, hoping...

MP Pushes for Annual Tax-Filing Task To Grow To Three-Month-Long Chore

"Not hard enough yet," says leading Democrat on the panel. OTTAWA, ONTARIO—Reports leaked from the Parliamentary Tax-Filing Subcommittee and acquired by Newsquips indicate that the...

More newsquips below these sponsors' ads, which you should click!

Newsquips of the Not-too-distant past

BC’s NDP Premier To Ban All Sewer Pipelines

VICTORIA, BRITISH COLUMBIA—It what is being described as the next logical step to his NDP government's banning of oil and gas pipelines in BC,...

“Sunny Ways” Leads To Accusations by Woman Named “Sunny Tummy”

VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA—Reports obtained exclusively by Newsquips' Vancouver bureau indicate that a woman from that rainy city going by the somewhat ironic moniker "Sunny...

LONDON TO BAN KNIVES, SCISSORS, STICKS, STONES, CARS, PLANES, CRICKET BATS,...

LONDON, ENGLAND—If London's strict gun control hasn't worked to stop all the knife murders -- now numbering more than all the mostly gun-related murders...

Don't miss these intriguing newsquips

Gun Control Kids Demand Repeal of Second Amendment and Parts of First and Third

CALIFORNIA, USA—Students who have boarded the left's "gun control" train have now formally demanded that...

Facebook To Become A Suppository To Recover From Ass-Kicking

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook will reportedly acquire drug maker Zillius for $196 billion on Tuesday in...

Waiters Asked To Stop Asking If They Can “Grab” Something For Customers

CLEVELAND, OHIO—Citing a record 85,000 comment cards being submitted to restaurants from around North America,...

Trudeau Liberals Hire New Droid To Improve Poll Numbers

TORONTO, ONTARIO—Facing falling and historically low poll numbers, the Trudeau Liberals have turned to the...

Facebook Data Scandal: Will Hold Meeting!

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook is apparently prepared to pull out all the stops to fend off...

Alberta NDP Raising Wages to $197 Per Hour by 2020

CALGARY, ALBERTA—The NDP premier Rachel Notley is apparently planning to live-up to her campaign promise...

Trudeau Told By Aides To Not Wear Pajamas To Office

OTTAWA, ONTARIO—Aides to Liberal Prime Minister Justin Trudeau have reported to Newsquips that they have...

CBC News To Run In 2019 Election

TORONTO, ONTARIO—Newsquips has learned that workers at Canada's state-owned CBC, specifically its "News" division, have...

Liberals To Invoke Trendy “Heart” Symbol As Canada’s New National Symbol

QUEBEC CITY, QUEBEC—Newsquips has verified a report out of Liberal Party headquarters which seems to...

Trudeau to style hair into an “Afro” for trip to Africa

OTTAWA, ONTARIO —Sources tell NewsQuips that Canada's prime minister Justin Trudeau will embark on a...