BREAKING NOW...

Recent Stories

Federal Deficits to Grow By 26.4 Blashmillion Dollars

OTTAWA, ONTARIO—According to reports from the Globe and Mail, the Trudeau Liberals expect Canadians to embrace budget deficits growing by even more than they...

Washington Post Under Fire For “Christ-y” Photo of Marathon Winner

WASHINGTON, DC—The venerable Washington Post newspaper is under fire from atheists and agnostics as well as several congressional Democrats for posting a giant "Christ-y"...

Trudeau Adopts New ‘Nasty Oil Dude’ Look in Wake of BC’s Pipeline Intransigence

CALGARY, ALBERTA—Aides close to Prime Minister Trudeau have revealed to Newsquips that the prime minister will adopt a new "gun-totin' oil cowboy" look, hoping...

Less Recent Stories

MP Pushes for Annual Tax-Filing Task To Grow To Three-Month-Long Chore

"Not hard enough yet," says leading Democrat on the panel. OTTAWA, ONTARIO—Reports leaked from the Parliamentary Tax-Filing Subcommittee and acquired by Newsquips indicate that the...

BC’s NDP Premier To Ban All Sewer Pipelines

VICTORIA, BRITISH COLUMBIA—It what is being described as the next logical step to his NDP government's banning of oil and gas pipelines in BC,...

“Sunny Ways” Leads To Accusations by Woman Named “Sunny Tummy”

VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA—Reports obtained exclusively by Newsquips' Vancouver bureau indicate that a woman from that rainy city going by the somewhat ironic moniker "Sunny...

More newsquips below these sponsors' ads, which you should click!

Newsquips of the Not-too-distant past

LONDON TO BAN KNIVES, SCISSORS, STICKS, STONES, CARS, PLANES, CRICKET BATS,...

LONDON, ENGLAND—If London's strict gun control hasn't worked to stop all the knife murders -- now numbering more than all the mostly gun-related murders...

Gun Control Kids Demand Repeal of Second Amendment and Parts of...

CALIFORNIA, USA—Students who have boarded the left's "gun control" train have now formally demanded that "Trump" repeal the Second Amendment, as well as "parts...

Facebook To Become A Suppository To Recover From Ass-Kicking

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook will reportedly acquire drug maker Zillius for $196 billion on Tuesday in order to quickly develop Facebook into a capsule that...

Don't miss these intriguing newsquips

Waiters Asked To Stop Asking If They Can “Grab” Something For Customers

CLEVELAND, OHIO—Citing a record 85,000 comment cards being submitted to restaurants from around North America,...

Trudeau Liberals Hire New Droid To Improve Poll Numbers

TORONTO, ONTARIO—Facing falling and historically low poll numbers, the Trudeau Liberals have turned to the...

Facebook Data Scandal: Will Hold Meeting!

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook is apparently prepared to pull out all the stops to fend off...

Alberta NDP Raising Wages to $197 Per Hour by 2020

CALGARY, ALBERTA—The NDP premier Rachel Notley is apparently planning to live-up to her campaign promise...

Trudeau Told By Aides To Not Wear Pajamas To Office

OTTAWA, ONTARIO—Aides to Liberal Prime Minister Justin Trudeau have reported to Newsquips that they have...

CBC News To Run In 2019 Election

TORONTO, ONTARIO—Newsquips has learned that workers at Canada's state-owned CBC, specifically its "News" division, have...

Liberals To Invoke Trendy “Heart” Symbol As Canada’s New National Symbol

QUEBEC CITY, QUEBEC—Newsquips has verified a report out of Liberal Party headquarters which seems to...

Trudeau to style hair into an “Afro” for trip to Africa

OTTAWA, ONTARIO —Sources tell NewsQuips that Canada's prime minister Justin Trudeau will embark on a...

Science Guy (Presumably) Walks From LA To Ottawa To End Canada

LOS ANGELES, CA—After a disastrous, globally mocked trip to India, Canada's prime namaste-er Justin Trudeau returned...
Investor advice idiocy

Negative Much?

New York, NY—We've heard of being contrarian, and I've heard of being negative, but this...