CALGARY, ALBERTA—The NDP premier Rachel Notley is apparently planning to live-up to her campaign promise to raise the minimum wage to $15, according to information Newsquips has garnered from sources close to the World Wide Web.
Official Alberta websites currently proclaim the economy-fixing wage-raising in detail.
When asked if obliterating the free market was a risky venture, NDP insiders who spoke to Newsquips on condition of anonymity, described the free market as “a capitalist sucker’s game.”
“We believe in centrally-planned, government-regulated economies and, well, really everything else including culture and stuff,” an unidentified member of The Party told Newsquips on Tuesday. “How else are we gunna get ahead? We need government to make our way for us or we’re useless,” our source told Newsquips before texting his mom about being home late.
But now in a new twist, the Notley NDP is said to be planning to raise the minimum wage in to $147 per hour by late 2019.
“This will really boost the economy, and we think employees will love having all that cash, especially once pot is legal ‘n stuff,” Notley is reported to have told supporters of her plan.
Insiders further reveal to Newsquips that the NDP secretly plans to raise the wage to “at least” $197 per hour by 2020 “to ignite the economy even more.”
Mcdonald’s workers who now earn $23,000 per year would earn in excess of $378,000 per year under Notley’s scheme. A typical Mcdonald’s outlet — many of them privately-owned — would have a wage expense of tens of millions of dollars annually. “The price of a “Big Mac” will have to rise to around $100 each, in Alberta” a food-services expert told Newsquips.
In order to address the new income tax thresholds Mcdonald’s workers and others would be reaching, Notley is said to be currently drafting new definitions to more accurately describe “the rich,” such that it only really means “certain people” — in subsequent election campaigns.