OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will apologize to veterans on Remembrance Day for forcing them, “especially tank drivers,” he said, “to spew all manner of poisonous carbon into the atmosphere during the wars or whatever.”
Explaining that tanks “lacked the necessary man-made global warming carbon taxes at the time,” Trudeau added, “We apologize for wrecking the war with carbon and man-made climate change. Our tanks should have had mufflers and carbon tax. We don’t know how veterans manage to sleep at night with that in their minds.”
With regard to the future, Trudeau said he “remains cautiously optimistic” that carbon can be reduced in the military. “We are demanding that China — or the Americans or whoever — let us equip our new fleet of air force jets with very large mufflers, run on unleaded, and let us apply our Liberal Party carbon tax on the jets to help them reduce their poisonous carbon exhaust,” he went on.
Asked whether the new jets will include the ubiquitous Trudeau demand for a feminist component, the prime minister explained, “So it’s 2018, or yeah ok when we get the new jets it will be 2089 or something, but so we require that the jets are made in Canada by diverse peoplekind, because diversity is the most important factor, even in war. So likely we will use refugees from Syria, people who escaped from Trump, and also First Nations, and women or those who identify as women. Not white men ’cause like dude,” the prime minister concluded, “it’s 2018.”
The prime minister then left in his motorcade to board his 33-year-old European-built Airbus A-310 jetliner back to Ottawa with stops in Paris for “an important meeting on climate,” then to Macau for a meeting with “some climate warming experts,” then down to The Congo for an important “climate and human rights” conference, and then finally over to Berlin “for a conference on whether Trump is a fascist.”