VICTORIA, BRITISH COLUMBIA—It what is being described as the next logical step to his NDP government’s banning of oil and gas pipelines in BC, NDP Premier John Horgan announced on Tuesday that he will convene another committee of NDP bureaucrats this week to plan the banning of all sewer pipelines in the province.

NDPs Premier Horgan, clenching his fist at a large government employee union convention.
NDPs Premier Horgan, clenching his fist at a large government employee union convention.

“We in BC are all about eliminating — sorry possibly not a good word here — disappearing the pipelines in our province. This is part of our government plan for a clean and sustainable BC,” the premier said to Newsquips, closely flanked, as is now customary, by Green Party leader Andrew J. Weaver.

Speaking to Newsquips reporters on Tuesday, NDP supporter Cynthia Fellows said she understands the idea is to “help clean up the dirty poop and bath water moving through pipelines and bring it out into the open where our organic rains and winds and sun can embrace it and empower it and return it to Mother Earth in a sustainable manner, and take it out of the hands of corporations.”

Asked for an an example of a corporation now handling sewer pipelines, Fellows replied that she misspoke on force of habit. “Yeah OK they’re government pipelines but there’s never been no leaks right,” she said or asked Newsquips.

Newsquips obtained a 4,200-word document entitled “Sustainable Fecal Programme And Five-Year Plan For A Less Brown And More Greener BC” in which ideas for residential remediation of family’s residential “waste” are discussed in detail, including requiring residents to “simply cart their toilet, bath, and sink water out to the street in government-designed waste pails, whereupon provincial employees will provide a daily cart service for dumping.”

“This will be a daily service, so we expect citizens to be happy with that,” the document indicates. “Eating more organics, whole grains, and foods with hemp will help maintain regularity amongst the populace,” the document continues, “thus requiring only a once-daily service.”

Newsquips asked Liberal Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for comments on a possible federal response to the BC plans, but were told by his staff that “as long as they hire an equal number of women and like Indians ann stuff, and they pay everybody the same, then we’re chill.”