CBC To Start New All-Pot Channel & Website

OTTAWA – Officials at the state-owned CBC have revealed to Newsquips that progress is already well under way on creating a new TV channel and...

MP Pushes for Annual Tax-Filing Task To Grow To Three-Month-Long Chore

"Not hard enough yet," says leading Democrat on the panel. OTTAWA, ONTARIO—Reports leaked from the Parliamentary Tax-Filing Subcommittee and acquired by Newsquips indicate that the...

BC’s NDP Premier To Ban All Sewer Pipelines

VICTORIA, BRITISH COLUMBIA—It what is being described as the next logical step to his NDP government's banning of oil and gas pipelines in BC,...

LONDON TO BAN KNIVES, SCISSORS, STICKS, STONES, CARS, PLANES, CRICKET BATS, AND OVERDONE BANGERS...

LONDON, ENGLAND—If London's strict gun control hasn't worked to stop all the knife murders -- now numbering more than all the mostly gun-related murders...

Facebook To Become A Suppository To Recover From Ass-Kicking

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook will reportedly acquire drug maker Zillius for $196 billion on Tuesday in order to quickly develop Facebook into a capsule that...

Waiters Asked To Stop Asking If They Can “Grab” Something For Customers

CLEVELAND, OHIO—Citing a record 85,000 comment cards being submitted to restaurants from around North America, restaurant and cafe owners have finally begun asking their...

Facebook Data Scandal: Will Hold Meeting!

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook is apparently prepared to pull out all the stops to fend off criticism growing in "social media" this week over one...
Investor advice idiocy

Negative Much?

New York, NY—We've heard of being contrarian, and I've heard of being negative, but this takes the cake. So they advocate that if things are...
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