LONDON TO BAN KNIVES, SCISSORS, STICKS, STONES, CARS, PLANES, CRICKET BATS, AND OVERDONE BANGERS...

LONDON, ENGLAND—If London's strict gun control hasn't worked to stop all the knife murders -- now numbering more than all the mostly gun-related murders...

Science Guy (Presumably) Walks From LA To Ottawa To End Canada

LOS ANGELES, CA—After a disastrous, globally mocked trip to India, Canada's prime namaste-er Justin Trudeau returned to Ottawa only to be scolded by Bill ("The Science...