Conservative Lisa Raitt Renounces Freedom and Capitalism After Leftist Scolding

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OTTAWA — After a backlash from left-wing groups who may or may not be popular amongst the cools, Conservative MP Lisa Raitt yesterday quickly deleted a tweet in which she dared express her support for freedom and capitalism.

Raitt tweeted, “I agree with freedom and capitalism.” It was “liked” at least one times.

It's just a joke

Following her late-night tweet, Raitt was scolded by numerous leftists, including the Marxist group Socialist Uber-Koolz of Kanada (SUKK), who rebutted her tweet with a tweet of their own, writing, “Lisa, let us explain something to you: freedom is bad for Marxism and makes Marxism harder to accomplish, and duh, capitalism is like so stupid because reasons + what not.”

The group provided helpful links to Marxism.ca and NDP.ca, and suggested Raitt go visit those sites “to learn our truths.” The tweet ended with the hashtag #climateemergency.

Newsquips contacted one of the several professional full-time Twitter watchers at the state-owned CBC, who reported that the Marxist group “totally owned” Raitt with “their awesome slapdown, educating her about stupid capitalism and like freedom or whatever.”

Raitt then apparently backtracked almost immediately, deleting her tweet, and apologizing for her pro-freedom, pro-capitalism gaffe. She pinned a new tweet atop her Twitter account, reading: “I deleted that last tweet, sorry. I believe that freedom and capitalism is the cause of poverty and grief and inequality, and should be quashed in favor of socialism or Marxism. I’m very grateful for the lessons taught to me by the random Marxists kids from the super-cool woke set on the internets. Canada is super Awesome! I’ve learned my lesson! Workers unite! #climateemergency”.

The Marxist group told Newsquips they will discuss Raitt’s apology at the next abortion rally, which they hoped Raitt would attend. NDP leader Jagmeet Singh reportedly said that “Raitt has recognized the greatness of socialism I mean democratic socialism, as well as all the various genders, and ze will perform an apology at our next NDP climate emergency meeting — which I am happy to announce is being held in glorious Venezuela this year!”

Conservative Party spokeswoman Conjika Jones-Wong confirmed to Newsquips that the Party “is admittedly bereft of serious principles, and has been leading Canadians down the garden path for twenty years. That’s what the ‘hidden agenda’ was!” Serious consideration is now reportedly being given to Party dissolution, allowing MPs and members to finally join the Liberals and NDP — and possibly the Marxists — in time for the next election.

Rait herself was unavailable for comment.