MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook is apparently prepared to pull out all the stops to fend off criticism growing in “social media” this week over one of the largest privacy-related breaches involving “social media” in years.

Facebook is addressing its recent member data scandal by holding a meeting.

News media including Newsquips was informed this morning that it will in fact be holding “an employee meeting.”

Facebook employees are said to be in considerable shock and confusion over the announcement of the meeting.

Facebook to hold meeting.
A screen capture was taken by Newsquips staff at the moment the news broke on CNBC.

Dubbed by Facebook insiders as the “Facebook Employee Meeting,” the meeting will be held in Facebook’s “campus” in Menlo Park, California. Tech companies have the tendency to call their offices a “campus” in order to sound cool and as if it is a “safe space” to the kids who run the company and wish they never left school.

Our source tells Newquips that the announced employee meeting is not to be confused with the other 68 employee meetings being held today at Facebook, mostly surrounding issues of “Trump still being president,” according to our sources. “This meeting has like capital letters?” a Facebook employee told Newsquips, “which we hardly ever use in our like texting?”

When asked if the meeting will produce any results insofar as security of its users’ personal information in the future, the Facebook employee suggested that there may be a followup sternly-worded text issued to all employees in the coming several months. “we take personal security awesomely serious?” said the insider. “We don’t want people to think we duped them into joining this FB racket and giving us all the details of their lives and their thinking and their feelings on every single issue in the world, and all that of all their friends and family too, only to be sold to the corporates?” the source continued, apparently in a string of questions.

“Yes?” answered our reporter.

“Yes what?” asked the Facebook employee.

“Oh I thought you were asking me questions,” answered our reporter.

“Like whatever?, dude?” said the facebook employee before storming off in a rather large huff and taking a huge drag of her “vape.”