OTTAWA, ONTARIO—According to reports from the Globe and Mail, the Trudeau Liberals expect Canadians to embrace budget deficits growing by even more than they planned, which is even more than they promised, and which is even more than they campaigned on, even besting what they ever dreamed of — by a significant amount.

Newsquips has obtained a copy of today’s Globe & Mail from an unnamed source, who found the copy flittering around in the wind outside Parliament, today. It details some of the budget debacle coming for Canadians:

“A new analysis by the parliamentary budget officer estimates Ottawa will post a $22.1-billion shortfall this fiscal year, which would be $4 billion more than the government’s projection of $18.1 billion in its February budget.

“For 2019-20, Jean-Denis Frechette’s team predicts a $21.4-billion deficit, $3.9 billion higher than the government’s forecast of $17.5 billion.”

Speaking to liberal insiders, Newsquips has learned that other years’ budget deficits are expected to grow by approximately 26.4 plagillionzillioncashmillion dollars. “It’s all good because much of our debt will go toward stopping the man-made global warming, as well as hiring more women and those who identify as women,” said the spokeswoman. “Also, more sex-ed, and shovel-ready projects,” she added.

Another liberal with knowledge of the situation told Newsquips, “Yeah it’s a butt load of cash and we have no idea where it’s gunna come from but speaking of butts, that MP from Saskatchewan’s got a wicked nice butt am I right?”, before asking if his comments were off the record.

Canada’s debt next year is expected to reach approximately $866,893,054,343,402,306,810,054.26, which a liberal adviser told Newsquips “can easily be paid off within the lifespan of Earth, according to their science secretariat, by ensuring that the rich pay their fair share of taxes for once.”

The opposition Conservative Party did offer an official response to Newsquips but indicated by email that they “fully support the hiring of more women and other people like that, if the Globe and the CBC say good stuff about it. Otherwise we think it’s bad, or possibly egregiously reprehensible and irresponsible.”

The NDP spokeswoman told Newsquips they would “ask the U.N. and CUPE and several minority groups what they thought” and get back to Newsquips by late autumn.