VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA—Reports obtained exclusively by Newsquips’ Vancouver bureau indicate that a woman from that rainy city going by the somewhat ironic moniker “Sunny Tummy” has come forward and threatened to reveal details of a relationship with Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau.
“His sunny ways are yummy to my tummy!” the woman, aged 24, told Newsquips this week. “My tummy she is sunny, like the sunny ways of Justiny!,” she continued.
“But he stopped answering my Facebook Messenger messages, which is not so sunny!” Tummy told us in an apparent effort at explaining the reason for her coming forward with her accusations.
Defenders of the beleaguered prime minister claimed, when asked by Newsquips, that “Sunny” may only be attempting to enjoy the same unearned fame as U.S. President Trump accuser “Stormy Daniels.” One irate fan of the overtly “feminist” Trudeau exclaimed, “that ho just ain’t Justin’s type! She a white beotch trash [expletive]!”
“Sunny” is reported to have told friends that Trudeau promised her a fair and equitable relationship replete with the infamous Trudeau “sunny ways,” but in a “non-gender-specific genre giving due regard to the fortitude of people-kind.”
Asked by Newsquips what exactly that meant, “Sunny” reportedly simply said “Like, I don’t know?”