OTTAWA — Amidst the backlash from their newly declared “climate emergency” and their simultaneous approval of an oil pipeline, the Trudeau Liberals have hired a private jet to whisk them to sunnier ways in Cuba for three to four weeks, on what they are calling a “freedom to do business our way” retreat. There, they will reportedly discuss the climate emergency and “oil junk, ‘n climate stuff,” with local Cuban experts in business, freedom, capitalism, and the environment, according to a Liberal Party spokeswoman.

Citing the urgent need “to escape Canada’s whiners for some chillaxing, mindfulness, and Bikram Yoga,” the Liberal spokeswoman, Lá Angela Spewit-Velasquez, told Newsquips, on condition of anonymity, that the trip will be interrupted “by only three short trips by each cabinet minister back to Canada to do some campaigning, where Liberals will stress Justin’s commitment to ending the climate emergency and increasing oil output from Alberta by employing women, minorities, and especially indigenous woman in the tar sands, since white men are like totally useless and toxicly masculine asses. Also we will be promoting our effort to create a more inclusive and tolerant Canada where everyone gets a fair shot except toxic white men and Christians. And businessmen unless they identify as women and support abortion freely but they totally have to sign a paper.”

After taking a breath the spokeswoman told Newsquips that in related news, the Liberal cabinet met on Wednesday and voted in favor of expanding the state-owned CBC by creating a state-owned, daily-print CBC newspaper, reportedly dubbed “Canada Sunny Ways Liberal Happy Star Sun Mail Post,” which Spewit-Velasquez said, will compete against “the damn corporate newspapers, who we are going to support with $600 million in government subsidies and other government support because they can’t really compete in today’s world.”