TORONTO, ONTARIO—Facing falling and historically low poll numbers, the Trudeau Liberals have turned to the “cyber” sector to find assets for their poll-improvement and social engineering needs. The Liberals have recently depleted the supply of liberals, leftists, progressives, and socialists available for hire in Canada.
Described as “a real looker” by several liberals who asked to remain anonymous due to the sexualized nature of their comments and repeated gazes at our Newsquips photo, the newest android in their fleet has been named Sadz Mofter-Kayjama. A Liberal insider reported that they chose the name “because it sounds super Muslim-y and we as an inclusive government wish to like empower the anti-nonunempowered.”
Mofter Kayjama may reportedly replace any number of cabinet ministers, or any CBC reporter in later incarnations.
“We believe Xe [Newquips believes this “Xe: word is the Liberals’ androgynous and PC form of the word “she” or “her” that normal people use] will match Justin’s yummy looks, and will perform as well as or better than him or any of the existing CBC bots, er, reporters we have in place now,” said one Liberal official to Newsquips, while leering at our photo. “And she — Xe — is pre-programmed to hate Trump, so she’s a great fit. I mean Xe,” she continued.
Equipped with several Yoga poses, Chinese “Chi-Commie 2.0” language skills as well as “Liberal-speak,” in addition to a robust social media skill-set including the optional #hashtag app, the new droid is being well-received by liberals and NDP voters all over Canada. “I can’t wait to see her! Or is she an it?!” screamed a Canadian we interviewed from outside Toronto. “Is she like organic?” asked one concerned citizen from BC.
Several questioned her lack of tattoos and piercings. “Maybe a ‘too down her arm that’s like ‘#METOO’ or something,” suggested Sally from Regina who had tattoos up to her eyeballs.
The droid has been screened by the Liberals for her feminist bona fides, and pro-abortion programming, and has been found to be both solidly feminist and pro-abortion. “We were delighted that Xe passed our pro-abortion test, but she can’t perform like sexually — can she?” asked our Liberal insider.
The question of her appearance was naturally top-of-mind for many Trudeau voters, and Liberals admitted she does possess certain rather obvious human attributes. “Yes we have noticed some things, well, protrude very boldly, and weirdly, both of them point to her — Xe — right fer some weird reason,” admitted our spokesman, a Liberal party chief advisor, “but her mind points decidedly left no doat, so no worries! Bonsoir!” the source informed Newsquips.
UPDATE: The spokesman noted above was fired immediately following our report, on the basis of “noticing her female attributes and not saying Xe.” He will be replaced by “a real butch female doll,” our source told Newsquips.