OTTAWA — Newsquips has learned that the self-described “feminist” Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau, is in fact a woman, putting to rest some considerable suspicion among the population.
As a Liberal Party spokeswoman described him, “Justin Trudeau is a womxn. Woman is spelled with an X now, because that’s how it’s spelled now. It’s 2018? Also Trump is a Nazi.”
Asked by reporters exactly who it was that changed the spelling, the spokeswoman sheepishly explained that she really wasn’t sure, but she read something about it at the Huffington Post, and also Twitter.
“CBC also like said about it in the news one time I think last week?” she continued.
Pushed for details on the matter of the prime minister’s alleged new sexuality, a spokeswoman claimed that Trudeau has not “become” a woman, but rather “was always a womxn, merely posing as an effeminate man-child until now.”
One source close to the situation told Newsquips that Trudeau does not use the men’s washroom at work, choosing instead to use the woman’s washroom. “There is no need to worry about him groping women, since he is a woman. I mean womxn,” said the source.
Trudeau, according to many reports, has exhibited a rather tenuous relationship with males, “Especially ‘Type-As,’ and the hairier, masculine-y ones,” explained a hirsute source who wished to remain anonymous. “He hates manly dudes,” he explained.
Newsquips has learned that while speaking at a women’s business leadership panel at the G20 meeting in Argentina this week, Trudeau, presumably as a woman, since the panel was for women, described masculinity itself as “toxic.” Asked by Newsquips staff if men were as “toxic” as, for example, carbon, which he wishes to tax in Canada as “a pollutant,” Trudeau breathlessly replied, “We must put a price on pollution,” before flicking his hair and storming off.